This time, I part the iron gates alone,
Lilies heavy in the cradle of my arms.
20 years ago,
I was one of four grieving girls
Brought here to bid farewell
To the portal
Through which we each had passed.

A year later, we came back
And lowered the shell
Of the father we never know
Into the waiting arms
Of the wife
Who cherished his name
Long after he'd left her.

"Together in death,"
My sister said,
As if that made everything
Alright . . .
Washed away the years
Of longing,
Stilled my anger.

Did I alone recall summer evenings
When, shielded by darkness,
My mother voiced regrets?
While I nursed secret dreams
That he'd come home cleansed,
Make us whole again,
Banish the shame we felt?
But he never did. Tired of waiting,
I set off to find solace for my pain.
Still I search.

Angelic statues
Gaze across the grassy knolls.
Bronze markers hug the earth,
Sometimes inverted
To reveal vases
Filled with new blooms.
Gifts, outside death's doorway.

As I search
The manicured glade
I wish for a North Star
To guide me to my family's plot.
Is this a pathway?
Or do I tread upon
Someone's unmarked bones?

Why does this familiar place
Yield no names like mine?
Have the givers of my life moved?
Should I drop my pain here
To seep into the earth?
The sky grows dim.
I must go where I am expected.

I set the lilies upon a just-filled grave,
Whisper farewell.
to its unnamed occupant.
The wind, caressing my face,
Bids me farewell in return.
I close the gates
And walk away.